Saturday, August 13, 2011

Flash Mob Mentality

I just heard a disturbing little nugget on the news...the once joyous and entertaining "flash mobs" have garnered a new purpose.

No longer are groups of nerds organizing outings to surprise and delight unsuspecting onlookers with renditions of Michael Jackson's Thriller dance. These nerds have now joined forces for a new purpose...a more sinister and evil purpose, I'm afraid.

The general idea is the same...arrange a place to meet, get a large group together and move into action, in sync, at an agreed upon time. There is just one small difference....when you are done, the crowd doesn't give you a hand...usually because their hands have been broken...and/or tied behind their backs. These flash mobs are like swarms of killer bees....rising up and attacking unsuspecting men, woman and babies out for their afternoon stroll.

Apparently, there has been an outbreak of "violent" YOUTH flash mobs in Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love, and other ironic locales across the country. One reporter said, "Teenagers as young as eleven years old (apparently the word "teen" has been added to eleven...it's not "eleven" anymore...it's "eleven-teen") are joining the stealthy cover of flash mobs..."

I am still trying to wrap my head around all this. I'm picturing myself in this kind of scenario: I'm in downtown Chicago with a Starbucks in one hand, a Nordstrom's bag in the other; chatting away to my sister as we walk down Michigan Avenue...when all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash mob forming. I exchange an excited look with my sister, and she takes out a bag of Garret's popcorn which we immediately start munching on as we settle in for the show...then....WHAP! "This isn't that kind of flash mob, bitch! This is a BASH mob!" I look up in confusion as an angry looking 5th grader in bad jeans and a Lord of the Rings t-shirt whips me with an old computer mouse....

This is the world we are living in, people. A new Planet of the Apes movie was released to theaters last weekend. I haven't seen it yet, but something tells me the idea of apes becoming more intelligent than humans may not be that out of the question...




2 comments:

  1. Flash mob mentality probably starts with people who are so out of touch with reality that they are still shopping at Nordstroms and drinking $5 cups of coffee while other people are suffering. It should be our duty as responsible adults to find out WHY a 5th grader is angry enough to whip anyone for anything! As for apes being more intelligent than humans.....well that was proven when Starbucks raised their prices and "customers" continued to shell out a ridiculous amount of money for....well coffee. I doubt if any self respecting primate would do such a thing.

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  2. Dear Anonymous,

    You are absolutely right. Thank you for putting me in my place.

    Sincerely,

    Not Anonymous, but still awkward and offensive to many...Erin :)

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