Mean Girls...the wrinkled years

I just got done reading an article on MSN called "Mean Old Girls". It's a piece that someone wrote abhorring the blatant "mean attitudes" some senior citizens display in retirement villages, assisted living centers and nursing homes.

It may be a bad decision on my part to share my true feelings on this topic, but I just can't resist. This shit is tooooo FUNNY! I'm picturing the ensemble cast from Mean Girls (starring Lindsey Lohan)...50 years forward. "OMG, Helen, you totally have chin hair. Pluck that shit or you can't sit with us at Bingo tonight." or a gaggle of geriatrics in a huddle whispering about the new hottie that just moved in. "Do you think that he wears a toupee? ...Because I'm totally ok with that. Hands off bitches! I saw him first." It's hysterical to me..

Before you condemn me and say I'm a heartless, soulless jerk, hear me out. I love a cute old grandpa or a sassy grandma type as much as the next person and I certainly am not endorsing "bullying", but COME ON!!!! These are adults...yes, they're old adults...some might even be fucking old adults, but ultimately, they ARE adults.

The article tries to explain how bullying happens among the elderly. Adults are the kids that were bullies and seniors are the adults who were bullies....this is a logical way of figuring out WHY it happens. The real problem occurs when we start to ask WHY do we CARE it happens???

I am not UNcaring. I am not a bully myself (well, at least not most of the time...). I would actually consider myself to be a nice person, generous even. That being said, when I'm 85, if I don't want to eat lunch with some old bag because she tells annoying stories about her bratty grandkids and smells like Ovaltine, I shouldn't have to!!

I can sympathize with parents who want to protect their young from the psychological damage bullying could inflict. I've seen, firsthand, how cruel children can be to one another. It is a sad situation....one that requires intervention; guidance from a caring adult. I've stepped in and taught some youngsters that "strangers are only friends that we haven't met yet" and "when you exclude someone, it's just as mean as saying something mean to them..." I say lots of things to kids. I'm a good role model.

I've also seen old ladies cut in line at the nail salon, cuss out anyone with an accent and give waitresses a quarter for a tip. Not once have I felt the urge to intervene to give them a life lesson about how to treat others fairly.

Do you want to know why?? Because it's none of my business!!! They. are. adults!! They might be fucking old adults(...which, by the way, I'm going to shorten to FOA), but they are adults.

Even if some of these people that are complaining about being bullied are FOAs, there is still no reason to think they can't manage their own problems. They must know at least a thing or two about the way the world turns. They have managed to make it so many years on this earth that they have earned themselves an AARP card. They deserve our respect, not our rebukes! As for the old people that tattle on other old people, Pa-shaw! That is what I say to you!

The article references a 64 year old (64 is not even elderly in my book...) resident of a nursing home who says she got bullied by other women in her retirement village. She spoke in detail about the way they would not let her sit at their table and the way they would gossip about her. She's tattling on the girls in her village??? To the newspaper??? What a ingenius way to retaliate! Women are vipers...at any age. (However, not everyone has my insight...most people probably feel sorry for this lady...I wish someone would step in and say, 'Just fuckin deal with it...')

People are always going to talk, especially when they are living in close quarters and sharing common facilities. In a perfect world, no one would ever utter an unkind word about any other person...but be careful what you wish for people!! No one's feelings would be hurt, but we would miss out on some very fulfilling belly laughs!!!

I make fun of myself on a daily basis...I also make fun of my pre-husband, my friends and my family. I love it...I'll admit it. Maybe I will be one of these old, saggy bullies?

At one point in this article, Renee Garfinkel, a psychologist from D.C. says, "Third party bystanders are part of the problem. If people see this, they should get involved. Speak up the same way you would if you saw it at a bus stop. Sometimes, people aren’t sure what to do because the bully might be impaired, not functioning on all cylinders. But you need to get somebody to come and help.”

If you would indulge me, I have but a few comments about what Renee Garfinkel has to say on this topic:

1. When she says, "Speak up just as you would if you saw it at a bus stop", WHO exactly is she addressing?!?! Who are these people that patrol bus stops breaking up raisin scuffles? Seriously?! Does this really happen??? ...because if it does, I want to go and watch! I cannot even fathom the idea, myself. Then again, I'm not a regular bus rider either. Is that the missing link? I don't ride the bus?? I have never witnessed 2 old broads getting into it at the bus stop, at the grocery store....Hell, I've never even seen it at IHOP and trust, me IHOP has no shortage of elderly folk. You can go into IHOP at pretty much any time of the day and see a plethora of wrinkled heads lowered to their plate, chowing down reasonably priced, dessert-like breakfasts.

and

2. "Sometimes people aren't sure what to do because the bully might be impaired"... the visual imagery behind this comment is almost too much for me. I'm picturing myself and a friend sizing up a situation, deciding to intervene, but then pulling back to discuss whether or not we think this guy is playing with a full deck. I picture the Uncle Leo character from Seinfeld...someone that was crazy their entire life and continues to be crazy as an old person getting judged and removed from a situation while someone tells him, "Look, I realize you are mentally impaired, but i just CANNOT allow you to bully that man." The look of confusion and disbelief would be AWESOME..."Wait, I'm not mentally impaired, I'm just crabby and quirky!! I swear!"

I could write for another hour on this topic...I have a whole scenario playing out in my head right now where a little old lady named Agnes gets ostrasized at lunch because her coral Avon lipstick is all over her dentures...she cries and sits alone in the back of the cafeteria and wonders why everyone keeps taking out their dentures, pointing in her direction and laughing hysterically...she thinks to herself, "Did I poop my pants? Why am I being bullied? I wish someone would intervene like that nice young man at the bus stop yesterday..."

Alas, it is almost time for my next client. I need to wrap this up and be on my way. Therefore I will leave you with just one parting thought: I hope one day I'm an FOA and if any little fucker gets in my way, I will not think twice about tripping him with my orthopedic shoe. What? What's that you say? I'm a bully? No...not yet, but I'm looking forward to it in my golden years...